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I’m trying to foresee my future, and somehow I just cannot picture Stephen moving to L.A. and eventually to Asia just to take care of Leonardo’s PR. I doubt Leonardo will have the kind of money he believes he will get right from the start, I think it might be time in a few months if not years to discuss this again, once his album comes out and he starts touring. And by then I would have returned to London, Stephen and I would have started a new life as we will both either work for our own conference company or in other jobs probably in central London.
Moving us from there at that time will be difficult, and most likely Leonardo will no longer be under my spell. So all these great plans Leonardo are making right now, I’m listening, I play the game of being interested, however I know very well that if this really works out, it will be him alone with his producer who will be going to Asia and sure enough not long after they will start making a lot of money.
What worries me a bit is that the guy is not connected to any record company, and intends to pay for everything himself, including the marketing I suppose. No matter how rich you are, can you achieve that, put an album out and make millions? Can you make an artist go number one worldwide on your own without the help of a big record company? God knows, the man seems confident enough, perhaps he can. Anyway, Leonardo’s songs are so perfect that they would stand on their own with or without a recognized record company in the background. Of course, we have seen many work of genius never going mainstream because they were attached to an independent company, however in this case it is so impressive that it might just work no matter the indie company producing it. I wish I could state the same for my own books, however this is unlikely to ever happens.
It is weird, I think Leonardo really believes that this is it, he is now rich before even selling one album. That he can already hire my boyfriend and me by the sa,e token, as I would live out of the salary of Stephen whilst continuing our work 115 on the film scripts and even songs. I just don’t want to be carried away, be disappointed for hoping too much, especially whilst facing such a farfetched possibility, and that even if it was to really happen, I know very well that it could only be for a little while, before everything crumbles to dust. But of course I would love it, leaving for Asia, writing full time, following Leonardo from city to city for his concerts, whilst still being with my baby. Now only his zoo could prevent him from accepting to be Leonardo’s assistant, or even PR person. He never really seemed even tempted of moving here in L.A., probably because of our animals, however he did mention that now that he lost his job, there is really nothing to keep him in the UK (which is not quite true, he also his parents).
Funny, we discussed that possibility before, of Leonardo suddenly becoming rich and somehow hiring both Stephen and I to work for him in some capacity, perhaps even some sort of production house. And I even talked about it to Stephen who appeared interested at the time. I never thought this could come so quickly, this opportunity which seemed to be only a dream a week ago. And yet, I am far from thinking like Leonardo that he will be able to hire us right now, though it could be possible. If that Asian man goes for it and pays for a whole orchestra and a team of technicians and sound engineers, and go for booking venues and selling tickets, then we are talking about a full company that he is putting together, in which case anything is possible.
There is something else also that I wanted to bring back here. It is that famous dream Leonardo had which showed that I bought a house around Los Angeles in the mountains, and this seemed to him to be like in a few months. We agreed that I must have bought that house, since I would not accept anyone buying me such a house unless I really deserved it, and if I really deserved it, it would mean that I basically bought it myself, because it would mean that my work made a lot of money. None of his vivid and prophetic dreams fail to happen, moreover it almost never happen differently than the way he initially saw it. His powers of psychic medium, if I can believe him, and I have no reason not to so far, are quite impressive. So I can believe that I will myself be rich very soon. I never thought it could be possible, but suddenly I am wondering if perhaps it will come true, even though I have no idea from which front I could suddenly be rich enough to by myself a house in the Los Angeles mountains. My God, it could be because I would write songs for Leonardo, or that he will use some of my poems and turn them into songs, or it could be a contract to publish a book, the one about Changing the Future, which I sent around to a few publishers in the UK, but 116 only by email and none of them would accept a submission by email (which I still cannot understand why they insist is remaining in the dark ages). It could also that we could sell the film script, or I could sell one of my other script or idea.
And perhaps the worst way, could be that suddenly Leonardo or his new partner decide to invest in my conference company, with enough money to really start it properly with a whole team of employees, and within a year I could turn this into such a success, I would not only reimburse them, but make a hefty profit in the process. Sounds crazy enough, but considering what just happened to Leonardo, and considering that out of the blue a company in L.A. found me and gave me the chance to move to California, where I have met Leonardo, which actually might be the beginning of the biggest life changing event ever, then I can expect anything, nothing is too crazy for any destiny, as long as you believe that there are no limits and continue to convince yourself that you a great destiny awaits you.
I have no idea what really awaits me or Leonardo, or even Stephen. I really believe though that it is not a coincidence if Stephen just lost his job and that has been preventing me from returning to London for many months now. If I had gone back, there is no way I would ever be part of Leonardo’s plans. Not only because he might no longer be interested, but more because either Stephen or I could easily think that moving out of England again is really not worth it, whatever anyone promises us. At the end of the day, if all we can expect from Leonardo’s millions is for Stephen to have a job, and not a high paying one at that, then it does not really matter, does it? Any job in London would do the same, and this is likely what he will think. For me it would mean writing full time, and god knows where it could lead, especially with Leonardo’s money to back our projects. However I could also easily be convinced that it is not worth it, that in the end I’m not really interested on depending on someone else to survive, with the pressure to succeed at any cost as my only way out of this interdependence.
I’m not completely convinced that Leonardo needs us, or that it would be really worth it. I don’t understand what it is that he sees in me that makes me such a worthwhile friend in which so much should be invested, unless he really had crappy friends in his old days.
At the same time, last Friday on my way to work, or what is two days ago whilst I was walking in the streets of Philadelphia at 3 am, well, I was thinking that I would give a lot right now to have even a glimpse into my future, as really from 117 here it could be anything, I could end up anywhere, I have absolutely no confirm plan whatsoever. And then I though that I did get a glimpse into my future, from a psychic medium, Leonardo, and that the future was bright, and moreover in California. Which is really surprising, and almost unbelievable as I was so ready to get out of here. However any great opportunity could change my mind instantly. And if my baby moves here, then nothing awaits me in London anymore. And now it is not that complicated to move with our zoo, at the very least the cats and dog can fly with us quite easily, it just costs a lot of money, and then, if Stephen were to move here obviously this would no longer be a problem. One can dream, but also one has to consider likely possibilities, and this is all possible, though it seems fantasist.
At the same time I cannot deny that somehow I have been shipped to L.A. and there should be a reason for it. Perhaps it should have happened much quicker, and it seems that I have been here forever now, however in retrospect, if I become rich or succeed at working full time as a writer within the year, whatever it is that I write (apart from damn conference programs), it would have been quick indeed. And it really seems like destiny is leading me somewhere when I am stuck like this in a place I feel I have no future whatsoever and yet I cannot escape it until something significant happens and carry me somewhere else.
7 June 2006 Last day of the conference. In one hour I will start packing my boxes and get ready to leave Philadelphia to go to Los Angeles. I will be so tired, I dare not imagine what sort of zombie I will be at work tomorrow morning.
I have to say that the Double Tree Hotel in downtown Philadelphia is pretty nice.
In front of my desk I have a superb view of the city through a huge glass ceiling.
It makes me dream of having my own venue where I could have my own conferences. And the more I think about it, the more I feel this is the solution for me, whether I become rich or not.
I was thinking this morning, what would I do if I was suddenly rich? And sure enough I was thinking that I would start my own company, find myself some sort of luxurious venue, so I could rent the place to others whilst having my own conferences without costing me an arm and a leg.
118 An old cinema would do very nicely, however I should think a nice building made of transparent glass might be better, right in the middle of the woods. However if it is hard to reach, it would be a bit useless. And I’ve got to be near an important airport, or near a town centre, and perhaps London would be too expensive.
Should be a town in England, I would so love it if it were to be York. It might be wise though to look for Manchester, as it is a bit more central, or Bristol or Birmingham. Birmingham is close to London, might be just the place.
And this is when it occurred to me that I did not even need to be rich to do so, it would just give me the security I need, as if I were to fail miserably with my first events, it would not matter much. But if I’m poor like now, and it fails, well, it is a second bankruptcy for me and Stephen. We would lose everything. You wonder then if it would be all worth it. Being rich would mean taking huge risks on topics no one covers in the conference industry. Being poor would mean covering the exact same topics as most of my competitors, as clearly there is money in those fields, whilst no one can be quite sure about uncovered topics. So if I were rich, I could discover a string of subjects which could fill amphitheatres worldwide. And now I understand that rich or poor, this is now a challenge I would like to take on.
But as usual, my life is so unpredictable, I have no clue where it will lead in the next few years, months and even weeks. Leonardo tells me that after all my messages to him, he met the rich Asian man again, and is now more confident than ever that this is a dream come true, and that, despite that I reviewed with him just about any pitfall imaginable. Is there a future for him in all this, perhaps.
Is there a future for me in all this? I’m not sure. Is there a future for my Stephen in all this? I doubt so, another miracle would be in order. And very likely I will not abandon him to pursue foolish dreams where I would still be just an employee.
The only reason it could make sense for me to follow Leonardo, was if we were to work together on certain projects. A film script is not enough, as I can work on that from London. So basically it would only make sense if we were to compose songs together. For that though we would need to spend a lot of time together and I am not even certain if I would be able to help write songs or transform some of my poetry into songs. All of this really sound early days, and at the moment I am still thinking that the less I see Leonardo, the better I will be. My reasons though are that when I see him, he never leaves, or when we talk on the phone, he never hangs up, and therefore my schedule is wrecked and it has a huge impact on my job and personal projects. It takes most of my time, whilst I 119 barely have any at the moment because of that conference job. What I am wondering is if all of this would be different if suddenly I were to no longer have to work. Could I change my mind and suddenly enjoy spending all my time with him? It seems a bit ridiculous, however it is such an important question that my whole future depends on the answer. If the answer is no, then there is no point to continue even being his friend, though at the moment it seems I have inspired him and help him somehow, as he claims. So it was not totally useless, even if I did not get anything in return and don’t really care to be honest. Without him though, I would probably have tried to meet many more people, as he was taking so much space there was no time to even try to meet people in L.A.
18 June 2006 Leonardo’s new investor has finally proven himself to being full of air, and so Leonardo is back to square one hoping to get his music somewhere as quickly as he can, as he feels his heart problems could kill him within years, if not months.
It was nice to think for a while of a different possible future, one where I would not go back to London, no longer work for this conference company, and get my baby here. But I guess this is not meant to be.
Yesterday Leonardo made me what could only be called a marriage proposal, almost the old fashion way. He said I would be the only person he has met in the last 45 years that he could bring to his parents and say: this is the person I am the most proud of in my life.
I have to say, it was charming. And we talk some more about a possible future together, but at the moment it seems to me that my future is with Stephen back in London.