«Roland Michel Tremblay rm Kiddo Blog in L.A. 2 December 2005 Kiddo blog in L.A. 1 I have now an ...»
He told me something that disturbed me so much, I could not sleep last night, and all day today I could only think of it and him, the poor guy. This would have happened in a film, and we would not even think twice about it, but when it actually happened for real, it is something I can’t even begin to grasp.
I feel I should not be telling this in my blog, by respect for him. It is something after all that he never told anyone in his family for decades. And it took his mother to be on her death bed for him to admit to her that dark moment of his existence in New Mexico.
This will remain in my hidden blog and will only be published much later, in a book, if ever a book is published out of this blog. It will not go online.
He told me that in his early 20s he married a wonderful American-Indian who looked like Catherine Zeta-Jones, but even better looking. They had a baby girl together and lived happily in New Mexico for a while.
Until the ex-boyfriend, a Cherokee, came up with a gun and shot both his wife and his child in the head. After that he went back home to his family, depressed for a long time, and never told anyone even that he got married to the most beautiful woman on earth and had a wonderful little girl with her. All that was 22 now gone as if it had never existed but in his mind. Not telling anyone also helped I’m sure to convince himself that none of it actually took place.
Strange enough he mentioned parallel universes to me, as if I could not run away from this. When he was in a coma three years ago, when he woke up two months later, he said he was convinced he was with them both. I asked him if she had given him a message, and he said yes, that it was time to get back to reality.
This was difficult thing to admit to me, and he kind of surprised himself in a way afterwards, as if he could not believe he could have told me this so early on in a relation. He says that he feels so comfortable with me, he feels he can tell me anything.
The poor Kiddo has not gone through one life crisis, but two. The comma and the killing of his family by an American-Indian who never had to pay for his crime, since this fell under the law of the American-Indian community and they perhaps felt it was justified or did not know how to deal with this, and finally did nothing, I’m not sure.
This story certainly did add a new dimension to my Norton, he is now certainly a four dimensional person to me, the fourth dimension being time, his past. I really feel for him and it makes me love him even more. I can’t wait to take him in my arms to reassure him that there is more to life, and that someone can still love him genuinely and share great moments together.
Of course all of this would be at the expense of my long time relationship with Stephen. And this is also something I will eventually have to deal with and is not going to be easy. I sometimes wonder how all of this will turn out and if I can actually decide myself how I wish this to turn out. And if so, what I should decide.
But I guess I don’t have all the data to make any decision yet.
Norton often wonders how his daughter would have grown and if she would have children by now. He said he could now be a grand father. Heek! What a thought!
He is only 43. I kind of don’t really like dealing with people who were heterosexuals in their younger years and decided to be gay much later in life.
He says that without this horrible event, he might still be happy married right now. And this pushed him to the limits of the existence, and it would explain why
I suppose one generation over mine, you could not be gay even if you were, and you had to marry. It would explain why so many forced themselves into marriages and babies, and are now sort of regretting this, though none of them would change anything to how everything in their lives happened.
Maybe I should go for people my age, who have been gay all their lives and were not pushed towards a life they never really wanted in the first place. They seem to have awakened quite late in the U.S. compared with other countries, probably because religion is still very strong and politicians can still openly talk against the gay lifestyle, pushing everyone into a corner from fears of living the life they are destined to live.
However people my age are like me. They have experienced nothing, they could be over 30 years old and not have experienced anything. Not to say that I would have liked them to have been drugged to full capacity for ten years of their lives, but still, I would like to have something to put my teeth into, so they too could become at least three dimensional.
Which bears the question, am I at all a three or four dimensional person myself?
Or just two dimensional? I have not gone through any real crisis, and yet I have been more than willing to end my life many times because I could not see the point of living. I have not even known what death really meant, since no one really close to me ever died, except my grand-parents and I was not close to them at all. I was already gone when they died, and sometimes I have to think hard to remember if they are still alive or not.
Perhaps it is better this way. I did not need more life crisis just to be able to say that I have lived and that I have a lot of experience. I suffered enough without crisis, anymore and perhaps I would no longer be here right now. And I will eventually have to deal with the death of my parents, I guess. Though it could still be a long time before that happens.
Oh Norton, my poor little baby, who has gone through so much. I know you probably don’t need my support, but I would love to give it to you all the same.
And I look forward talking to you tonight and meeting with you this weekend.
Kiddo Blog in L.A. 9 I am now outside on the balcony of my studio, it is cold and I am overlooking the car park with all the people walking around. The musician from North Hollywood is still sleeping. He arrived at midnight last night and we talked all night, all morning and finally went to bed at 1 or 2 pm. I only slept two hours and I will need to go to bed very early tonight or else I will be sick again.
I have to say that it has been the weirdest day of my life. He drank something like 12 beers and half a bottle of Porto, and he smoke some grass. He was very nervous, talked non stop for hours on hand and would not leave anymore.
So I assumed that he wanted something more, but since he never had sex with a man except that 18 year old God, I thought he did not know how to tell me. Why else would you stay at someone else's place for over 12 hours, repeating yourself like he did? Well I assumed wrongly, and the next thing that happened was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
He eventually came to bed beside me since he was too drunk. He wanted to drive, that would have been crazy. So I got closer, it has been forever since I had any sort of affection whatsoever. He did not push me away. So I got my clothes off, I took his clothes off, and we stayed in bed naked in each others arms for perhaps 10 minutes.
His brain went into overdrive, he spoke a lot about that 18 year old kid with whom it was a sort of a dominating relationship on the part of the kid. It is now turning against him since the kid claims he was not 18 yet, when apparently he was.
He was rock solid, he would not move, he was in some sort of frozen state, perhaps a deep psychological blockage. And we talked about it quite openly, he confirmed it. And eventually he said something like he did not want to hurt me and I understood that this was not going to happen. So we went to sleep.
I feel completely abandoned by Norton, who now tells me that the day we will meet will be Christmas day, next Saturday. Except that he did not work yesterday and ignored all my phone calls all day and the previous day.
We would have had the perfect chance to meet, I even had a car for once to come and pick him up, and I said so on his answering machine. And yet it was more important for him to do his washing and go all around town to buy some stuff he ordered at some shop.
This is getting beyond the joke, our phone calls now are just a long litany of complaints on my part and apologies on his part. Talking on the phone has now become too painful.
So I re-invited Stephen to come to L.A. for Christmas, and asked him if he would want me to come over to London. Financially both options are not viable. But I don't want to spend the whole Christmas alone.
You might think that at least I have a friend, however after I tell you everything he said to me in the last 12 hours, you will understand that we are from different planets and that I cannot afford to spend 12 hours talking like this on a regular basis. It is simply killing me.
Well, you remember that I was kind of thinking that perhaps I could influence my future. Well, my friend travels through time and through space using his mind. He can tell you exactly what will happen to anyone in the future, and answer any question about anything. He is connected to some inexhaustible source of information and can get all the information he needs from there. He calls himself an emitter-receiver.
He can also discuss with any dead people, and this in an awaken state. When he composes his music, Mozart and Bach are there next to him dictating what to write. He also met John Lennon and Elton John on the second ring of Saturn.
Elton John sang a song for him, and John Lennon told him he was happy, or something like that, I can't remember now.
I am now alone, he is finally gone. It is 9h24 pm, can you believe? He has been here almost 24 hours. Why I did not kick him out sooner, is because he came back with revenge with a new series of statements about his kind of mind powers.
It would take me forever to transcribe here everything he has said, but suffice to say that he is a psychic medium. He can predict the future, see ghosts, feel vibes, tell you anything about anyone instantly.
And then he went on about his vivid dreams about the past, probably of past lives, where he can live periods of 10 years in a matter of minutes. He has déjà vu that he sees first consciously in dreams and then it happens a few days or months later.
He can cure people from any disease and basically cured his own heart problems by thought and concentration alone. Now his doctors are saying that this is a miracle. He also has a phenomenal memory. Never had to study to pass with straight As in school, and can memorize a whole film script of 300 pages after only one or two readings.
However, he never experienced temporal causality loops, or time loops, my favorite. He never relived the same events twice in real life. I would have been skeptical if he had said that he did experience that. Which makes me wonder, how could I not be skeptical about all that he said in the last 24 hours? Oh, I forgot to ask him about aliens.
He said that he never before told anyone all that stuff, and that he told me more than he ever did in his entire life to anyone else. You’ve got to give them that, Americans are just dying to tell you all their most precious secrets. They barely hide anything once you gain their trust. And I am so curious myself, I always ask just about all possible questions.
Is it possible? If not, he certainly has a lot of imagination. And his brain is definitely about to split one way or another from a huge surcharge. He lives at 300 miles per hour, he speaks very fast and constantly. His thoughts are running through his mind like fire, and he does have an answer to every question.
At this point, most people would have disconnected and told him that he was full of shit. Not me, whether he is that most psychic person alive or simply just completely disturbed in his mind, I have never met someone like that before and I doubt I will ever again. This is Hollywood for you. This certainly requires my attention and further study. I wish I could dissect a part of his brain and eat it… I’m just kidding.
At the same time the guy is definitely troubled. Such a genius who knows everything about everything, and can fill a room with his confidence, breaks down completely at the simple idea that he is gay. He cannot accept himself for what he is.
I have learnt that he never had sex with any of his girlfriends, finishing the relationship just before sex was about to happen. I guess it would have been over with me in that bed today when he said that he did not want to hurt me. So he also appears to have a problem with men, and I just wonder if he will ever be able to overcome it. In essence, sexually, he is a very dysfunctional person.
What did not help his case, is that young trouble maker with whom some little things happened, before both he and his father turned against him. The kid is a menace, he has a criminal record the size of a dictionary and apparently destroyed many lives before.
You know you are in Hollywood when a young delinquent inspired three people around him to write books that have all been published. My musician intends to start writing his book about this whole affaire pretty soon, he said that the whole book was already written in his mind.
According to my musician who can predict the future, in five years time the kid will be all over the news in a story involving hostages and killings. And somehow, my friend knows he will be involved in that horrible story.
There is so much more I could tell, however there will be at least another few books written about that kid in the near future, and oh, they’re making a movie about this. So you will know more than me very soon.
The sexual encounter between that young person and my musician is now destroying the life of my friend. He cannot stop talking about it, it pours out by every pore. You can tell that this is the kind of thing that could lead to suicide.
He better start writing that book soon, so he can exorcize this whole thing. Oh, and he will also write a few songs about this, he has one already done and it is pretty good. That song will end up in another movie, so then again, you will hear all about it very soon.