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My God, I had not realized that I just had to destroy a few lives, play mind games like crazy and kill a few animals to become the talk of the whole world (meaning Hollywood). That’s where I went wrong!
I would like to be as celebrated as this kid, he certainly can be proud of all his achievements. He is now part of history, and is about to become global very soon. Well done!
24 December 2005 Kiddo Blog in L.A. 10 I could have met my North Hollywood friend tonight, but I decided against it. Just in case my Kiddo decided to come tonight instead of tomorrow. I insisted, but he
He also took the time to go to the cinema to see that Mountain Brokeback thingy with Jake Gylenhaal, something about a gay relationship. I’m sure I’ve got both the title of the film and the name of the actor wrong. Again, he preferred going to the cinema instead of coming here.
Something is wrong, it makes no sense to me. After six weeks of talking on the phone every other day with someone I was hoping to start a relationship, I would have jumped at the chance to go and meet him as soon as possible. I guess all humans have not been made the same.
I thought it was fear on his part, and then it would make sense to come in the morning. If it turns out that he does not like me, or that I don’t like him, he would not be stuck here for the night. He could just leave or, as he said, we could become friends.
It is also possible that it has been such a long time for him, since he actually had a real date which is not just sex, that he needed to prepare both psychologically and physically.
He bleached his hair today and he will be wearing tomorrow what he most prefers to wear. Something that he rarely wears. I said, oh my god, he is a drag queen!
He will arrive bleached with a dress and full make up on! He said no, that what he wears is being worn somewhere else in the United States as a matter of commonality. So I gathered that he will arrive dressed a cow boy, in leather. He did not appear to deny that.
Every person I have met here who are really into films and L.A., either live in Hollywood, or like my Kiddo, lives on a street which reminds us of it. He lives on Hollywood Way. It might all be a coincidence, I hope so anyway, as it is a bit ridiculous.
Though I have to admit that I am annoyed when I tell my friends my address, I write Woodland Hills CA, and though I am one street away to Los Angeles and Hollywood, they could easily think that I live in Northern California. I have also been told that Woodland Hills is the nicest and most expensive place in the
So my Kiddo has been preparing for days for this famous first meeting tomorrow.
If not weeks. It is a good indication that he does feel this is quite important to him, that he looks his best for when we meet.
What I interpreted as a lack of interest, was more a worry of rejection, I would say. And meeting once might change all that. And then I would hope to meet him at least once a week. That would be too nice.
So today he really enjoyed himself, he went to Venice Beach, enjoy a movie, had a full day of it. I, on the other hand, stayed at home all day, on Christmas Eve, and did nothing. In retrospect I should have took the bus and drag myself to Los Angeles or Hollywood, or even the Beach. It was such a nice day, the hottest ever since I have arrived. On Christmas Eve… another thing that makes no sense to me. I am the kind of person who thinks that on Christmas and the New Year, it should snow like hell. And I have been very lucky in the past, in the North of Canada my wish has been exhausted many times. Here, it was a day for the beach and swimming in the ocean. I should have done something instead of waiting all day for nothing.
I also have to say that this is my first Christmas where I did not have to suffer Christmas music or the fever of Christmas in the shops, since I have avoided it all. For me, it has been business as usual, with nothing to remind me of it.
Considering that last year I had 20 days off over the Christmas holiday, and this year it is merely two long weekends of three day each, then there was no Christmas for me this year. And I have to admit, I prefer it this way.
Dear, dear, dear… tomorrow I will be meeting my Kiddo! I cannot believe it! I cannot stop thinking that somehow there will be an earthquake to prevent me from meeting him. Why, oh why did it take so long for this meeting to take place?
There is a reason for everything, though I cannot see why in this case. Except 31 that there is now such a build up to this meeting, I am expecting to meet God himself. And if I don’t, I will be very disappointed indeed.
On the other hand, let’s not forget that I am no longer that cute little thing that I was. Without these long conversations on the phone, he might not have wanted to start a relationship with me. So his plans to make me bite for such a long time, to already develop something before we meet, will at least work both ways. He must already feels like he knows me. Like I do know him. And I cannot wait any longer to meet him and fall in his arms. It will be so nice! Especially that I need it so badly. And I’m afraid, it would not work if it was anyone else. You cannot get what I need from a quick sex session with a stranger. My Kiddo is someone I could fall in love with.
It is Christmas in one minute now. That’s it, it is now Christmas. I just burped, but at least I did not fart. What a way to celebrate Christmas on my own. My baby has been alone in London all day, miserable because I was not there. It is the first year he does not put the Christmas light and decorate a tree. I should feel very guilty for meeting my Kiddo tomorrow.
It is so dangerous, what if I were to fall in love? Should I have put a stop to all this while I still could? Can we stop our march towards love?
At the moment I can only think of my meeting with the Kiddo tomorrow morning.
I don’t know what will happen, or what to expect. I have such high expectations, it better be good.
25 December 2005 Kiddo Blog in L.A. 11 It is already 20 minutes to 1 in the afternoon. I am no longer worried about what we will do once my Kiddo is here, I am more worried about the idea that he might not come at all.
I hope he understands that if he does not show up today, it is finished. I will not be calling him anymore, I will no longer hope to meet him. The only exception to this would be if he were to admit why he has been so reluctant to meeting me in the last few weeks. And if he has a good reason, then I might continue. By a
I have been warned about people making a fool out of yourself on these dating websites. And I have to say, it is starting to look just like that with my Kiddo.
Well, it looked like that for many weeks now, and somehow he always succeeded in convincing me that it was not so.
I am about to call again his two phone numbers, it would be the third time in the last hour. He turned me into some sort of freak who now calls and calls his potential boyfriend when there is no such thing. I hate it.
My god, he will be here within 15 minutes! I’m sorry I doubted him… He is now gone. He stayed less than six hours. The reason being that his sister was coming back from wherever she was, and he needed to be home for her.
Why? Because she worries a lot for him when he is not around, he could lose consciousness at any moment, as he did three months ago. This is so touching, that he would need to go back home so his sister does not worry. I suspect it is also the reason why it took so long for him to finally meet me.
The other reason must have something to do with the fact that he is not 43, but
53. And he certainly made the mistake of the century by showing me his driving license, while I was certainly not asking to see it. The number 6 before the 2, on his birthday, has obviously been changed. He claims that they made a mistake and made him 10 years younger. And he needed to be older to take care of his mother affairs after she died.
Nice try, but I don’t believe it. I’m not certain when his mother died, but it was within the last 15 years. So he would have been old enough to take care of everything after her death. In fact, the only reason I could think of for changing his birthday, is to look 10 years younger so he could find a nice young boyfriend.
He is also the only single person I have met on that dating website who has a verified identification. And now I understand why, because to fool the system is as simple as changing one number on one’s driving license. And a scan or a photocopy of that card sent by post would fool anyone.
I have been fooled before about age. My actual boyfriend in London told me he was 29 when I met him, and I soon realized afterwards that he was in fact 36.
Today that difference does not make much difference (we have a 13 years age difference), but at that time I was still cute and beautiful and young, and filled with prejudices. 36 would have been too old for me, 29 was acceptable.
As actually, to tell the truth, if my Norton had told me he was 53 instead of 43, there is no way I would have been talking on the phone with him for six weeks and that I would have met him today. So I feel betrayed again. I never thought I could have been betrayed like that. The photo on the website is very old indeed, even if he claims it was taken in the last 12 months.
Gosh I have been stupid. I must be the only damn person on that dating website who’s not lying. At the same time, I certainly will avoid any kind of surprise like that. And I certainly also got everyone frightened to contact me in the first place.
It is their lost, because they would be more secured with me, since with anyone else it would be surprise time once they get there.
So I was walking towards him, he was waiting on the corner after he got out of the bus. Even from afar, I knew he was not the guy I was expecting. Once I got closer, I even realized that I would never have recognized him if he had not recognized me. I can tell you that I was not happy in my mind. And that I completely understood why he waited so long to finally meet me.
His bleached hair might have hidden his white hair, but it certainly also made them look very much white, so it did not help his case at all. He looked older than he might have been. My Stephen in London is supposed to be two years older than him, so I know how he should look like. He definitely looked 53 instead of 43.
26 December 2005
I fell asleep quickly yesterday and I did not have the time to finish my story with the Kiddo. Despite all, he has a very nice body, with a nice dick, nice legs and a wonderful little ass. He is slim and he looks great in his jeans. Only his face looks older, the rest is fine. Which makes me wonder, can a 53 year old have such a great body? So we had sex all afternoon, and it was wonderful.
And call me once he was back home, and I fell in love again with that voice of his, which sounds totally different in person and does not have the same effect. So something might develop with the Kiddo in time, but not really. He will only be able to see me once every two weeks I would imagine, he is not exactly the cute little thing I thought he would be, and all of this made me appreciate my Stephen in London even more.
I am now convinced that I won’t me anyone better than my Stephen and I renew my vows to him on the phone. I told him that I was ready for a second ten years term with him, and that I would very much love to finish my days with him. In a way, it is great news that I now know that I won’t fall in love with the Kiddo. His head looks too weird, however I don’t know what the future has in store for me.
Today I need to work most of the day on my conference, and I also need to check out the shops around for specials on TVs and DVD recorders. I don’t suppose their Tivo machines would be half price? They already have a $200 rebate on these machines, that you need to get back through the post. Sorry, I can’t wait that long and live without that $200 at the moment. So I can’t afford a Tivo box.
And I can’t spend too much either, since I will have to sell all my stuff before I go back to London, and I would imagine that I will be selling everything for almost nothing.
But God, I spotted Sony DVD Recorder which can also record 80 hours of TV, and that is the same as a Tivo without any monthly subscription. I want that machine, it costs $800. I would leave with it for England hoping it will work there… 27 December 2005 Kiddo Blog in L.A. 13
Yesterday I deeply needed to hear the voice of my Kiddo, I called, left a message, and of course, not understand my desperation, he never called back. Well tonight I don’t feel the need to talk to him. I’m listening to The Smiths videos, I’m drinking beers (my fourth one now), so I have all the fuel I need.
Funny how Morrissey’s songs over the years, always appeared to be perfect for the moments I was living, and how perfectly I was thinking everything he sings about. Must be destiny, I always thought. However, he was just very honest in his songs, and this universal. Which brings the question, is anyone else actually honest when they write their songs? Since I cannot connect to any of them, I guess the answer is no.
Which brings me to my own books and how dark they are, and honest, and how people connect to them. I guess to find people as depressed as you are, is a comforting thought and ultimately make you happy. Glad that such black material could actually help the people on the same wavelength. Of course, it is completely incompatible with anyone who I actually happy to live this life. Those people need to go see their doctor, no matter how much it costs here in the U.S., as they are certainly not normal, as it is quite clear that in the life we all lead at the moment, happiness just cannot be part of the equation. I can see you don’t know what I am talking about, never mind. You must be one of those happy ones, go and get lost then.
6 January 2006 Kiddo Blog in L.A. 14 I cannot believe what I have heard tonight! This is just too much!